Thursday, June 16, 2011
Setbacks
Another setback today. The intake appointment was cancelled because MA hasn't processed the paperwork and been reinstated yet, and the hospital won't start outpatient treatment until funding is verified. So it's more of the waiting game, which is nothing unusual as far as medical assistance goes.
This is really frustrating because every time it feels like we are making progress, there is another hold up. Things would be a lot easier if Christen was able to be under her dad's insurance but unfortunately that's not possible since she has been on her own since 16. It seems so unfair for her treatment to be so inadequate. She is only 19 and I don't think any 19 year old should have to work systems the way that she does.
As for me, I am being as supportive as possible while still trying to keep up with finals and all that jazz. I feel like I should be doing more but the reality is there is nothing to do right now but wait. And wait. And wait.
This is really frustrating because every time it feels like we are making progress, there is another hold up. Things would be a lot easier if Christen was able to be under her dad's insurance but unfortunately that's not possible since she has been on her own since 16. It seems so unfair for her treatment to be so inadequate. She is only 19 and I don't think any 19 year old should have to work systems the way that she does.
As for me, I am being as supportive as possible while still trying to keep up with finals and all that jazz. I feel like I should be doing more but the reality is there is nothing to do right now but wait. And wait. And wait.
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
Medications
As I said earlier, finding medications for bipolar disorder is a chore. Everyone is different and reacts to medications/medication combinations in differently. Oftentimes the side effects are unbearable. Here is a list of the medications Christen has been on since she was 13, with the side effects she has experienced. We haven't found the right one yet.
-Prozac: Depression worsened, followed through with plan of suicide
-Remeron: Initially lost all symptoms of depression, helped appetite and weight, helped sleeping. Eventually symptoms worsened again and meds were changed.
-Risperdal: Absence of menstrual periods, lactation, increased appetite, headache
-Abilify: Restlessness, nervousness, insomnia, restless leg
-Depakote: Increase in appetite and sleep, headache, nausea, dry mouth
-Clomipramine: Irregular fast heartbeat, nausea, vomiting, anxiety, chills, inability to sleep
-Seroquel: Extreme tiredness (must sleep for at least 12 hours after taking), dry mouth
-Zyprexa: Increase in appetite/weight, insomnia, nausea
-Lithium: Currently taking Lithium (has been for 2 months). Nausea and vomiting after consumption, thirst.
If you are interested in learning more about medications for bipolar disorder, this website does a great job explaining the different classes, how they work and potential side effects: Bipolar Medication Guide
-Prozac: Depression worsened, followed through with plan of suicide
-Remeron: Initially lost all symptoms of depression, helped appetite and weight, helped sleeping. Eventually symptoms worsened again and meds were changed.
-Risperdal: Absence of menstrual periods, lactation, increased appetite, headache
-Abilify: Restlessness, nervousness, insomnia, restless leg
-Depakote: Increase in appetite and sleep, headache, nausea, dry mouth
-Clomipramine: Irregular fast heartbeat, nausea, vomiting, anxiety, chills, inability to sleep
-Seroquel: Extreme tiredness (must sleep for at least 12 hours after taking), dry mouth
-Zyprexa: Increase in appetite/weight, insomnia, nausea
-Lithium: Currently taking Lithium (has been for 2 months). Nausea and vomiting after consumption, thirst.
If you are interested in learning more about medications for bipolar disorder, this website does a great job explaining the different classes, how they work and potential side effects: Bipolar Medication Guide
Decision.
We met with Sarah today and came to a decision about the hospital. Right now outpatient is a better option than inpatient. Outpatient is a month long commitment, 4 days a week, for 6 hours a day. It would allow Christen to work evenings (good for me because I won't have to make rent by myself), sleep at home, and most importantly it allows incorporation of the daily therapies into day to day life. Intake is on Thursday.
We also worked the system with the insurance company a little bit today. Her insurance was cancelled this month due to "missing paperwork" (which she turned in twice). They finally found the second set of papers and told us they still need her paystubs to verify income. So she will drop those off tomorrow and then hopefully it will be reinstated.
Things have been really hard lately and sometimes it feels like they are escalating out of control. As someone who lives with and loves a bipolar person, here are some coping strategies I use during cycling:
-Take a step back from the situation. It's not about you. It's about the bipolar. Remove yourself from the situation if necessary (as long as your loved one isn't in immediate danger) - go for a walk, ride your bike, go for a drive, go to a friend's house.
-Talk about it. Bipolar is an isolating disorder, not just for the sufferer but for their loved ones. Besides, who wouldn't want to hear about all the crazy drama in your life?
-In the words of Bob Marley, "Don't hurt her, don't change her, don't analyze and don't expect more than she can give. Smile when she makes you happy, let her know when she makes you mad, and miss her when she's not there."
We also worked the system with the insurance company a little bit today. Her insurance was cancelled this month due to "missing paperwork" (which she turned in twice). They finally found the second set of papers and told us they still need her paystubs to verify income. So she will drop those off tomorrow and then hopefully it will be reinstated.
Things have been really hard lately and sometimes it feels like they are escalating out of control. As someone who lives with and loves a bipolar person, here are some coping strategies I use during cycling:
-Take a step back from the situation. It's not about you. It's about the bipolar. Remove yourself from the situation if necessary (as long as your loved one isn't in immediate danger) - go for a walk, ride your bike, go for a drive, go to a friend's house.
-Talk about it. Bipolar is an isolating disorder, not just for the sufferer but for their loved ones. Besides, who wouldn't want to hear about all the crazy drama in your life?
-In the words of Bob Marley, "Don't hurt her, don't change her, don't analyze and don't expect more than she can give. Smile when she makes you happy, let her know when she makes you mad, and miss her when she's not there."
Sunday, June 12, 2011
Yesterday Christen had another dangerous manic episode. I called Sarah, her counselor, who called Christen and told her she needs to go to the hospital - either inpatient or outpatient. It's really on longer an option. She finally agreed. We're meeting Tuesday to talk about options. This week has really sucked.
Resources for significant others
I recently discovered this website which has a wealth of resources for the significant others of those with bipolar. Click the "Support" tab for online and community support groups, "Personal Experience of BP" for blogs and web pages by sufferers, and "Role of the Family" for self-care tips and personal accounts of experiences by loved ones. The resources provided in this last tab really made me feel connected to others and like I am not alone in this. Check it out HERE!
Friday, June 10, 2011
Mental Health Screening Center
If you are concerned that you or your loved one may have bipolar disorder, the Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance offers online screening tools. Click the link below to proceed. When the page loads, choose either "Depression Screening", "Mania Screening" or "Anxiety Screening".
Bipolar Disorder Screening Tool
Bipolar Disorder Screening Tool
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
Just another manic Monday...
We had quite the weekend. On Wednesday night Christen launched into the start of a manic episode which I'm still not completely convinced is over. It was an unsafe situation for her as she was being risky and impulsive in her choices and I had to put my foot down. I pooled my resources and called her best friend, her therapist and her mom - one of the best coping strategies in caring for someone with bipolar is to have a team. You can't do this alone. All the while I was scrambling to finish a paper for my Families class and finish up the last of my clinical work.
By Monday I was absolutely exhausted. Unfortunately for me this is my busiest day of the week, with school 9:30-5:30 and work 6-10. This morning (Tuesday) I was asked to go with Christen to counseling. At times we do counseling sessions together in order for me to continue to grow in my abilities to help her. During a bipolar (manic or depressive) episode you can be one of two things - wrong or more wrong. Participating in her counseling sessions eases my frustration with this as I get to understand the reasoning and thoughts behind her actions, whether or not they make sense at the time.
Christen's therapist, Sarah, has worked with her since her diagnosis at 13. She has seen her through multiple hospitalizations, running away, treatment programs and medication regimens. Sarah was really concerned by the hopelessness seen in session today and I couldn't help but bring up that Christen made two suicide threats to me over the weekend. With tears in her eyes, Sarah told Christen that she should be admitted to the hospital as inpatient once again. This was not well-received and Christen refused. They have another meeting tomorrow to discuss it - one of the questions Sarah asked was what would happen if she went over Christen's head and admitted her on a hold without permission. This was upsetting to both of us.
One thing Sarah said today that struck me is that sometimes people have trouble holding onto hope for themselves. In those times, it is up to the confidants (Sarah and myself) to hold on to hope for that person for a period of time. This reminded me of song lyrics by Guided by Voices -
"Reaching out for a hand that we can't see, Everybody's got a hold on hope, it's the last thing that's holding me."
By Monday I was absolutely exhausted. Unfortunately for me this is my busiest day of the week, with school 9:30-5:30 and work 6-10. This morning (Tuesday) I was asked to go with Christen to counseling. At times we do counseling sessions together in order for me to continue to grow in my abilities to help her. During a bipolar (manic or depressive) episode you can be one of two things - wrong or more wrong. Participating in her counseling sessions eases my frustration with this as I get to understand the reasoning and thoughts behind her actions, whether or not they make sense at the time.
Christen's therapist, Sarah, has worked with her since her diagnosis at 13. She has seen her through multiple hospitalizations, running away, treatment programs and medication regimens. Sarah was really concerned by the hopelessness seen in session today and I couldn't help but bring up that Christen made two suicide threats to me over the weekend. With tears in her eyes, Sarah told Christen that she should be admitted to the hospital as inpatient once again. This was not well-received and Christen refused. They have another meeting tomorrow to discuss it - one of the questions Sarah asked was what would happen if she went over Christen's head and admitted her on a hold without permission. This was upsetting to both of us.
One thing Sarah said today that struck me is that sometimes people have trouble holding onto hope for themselves. In those times, it is up to the confidants (Sarah and myself) to hold on to hope for that person for a period of time. This reminded me of song lyrics by Guided by Voices -
"Reaching out for a hand that we can't see, Everybody's got a hold on hope, it's the last thing that's holding me."
Friday, June 3, 2011
Introduction
With my first post, I just wanted to give an introduction to my story and identify the purpose of this blog. This blog is meant for other friends and family of those suffering from bipolar disorder. I will share my stories, as well as some resources, and I hope that anyone reading this will comment with some thoughts or experiences of your own!
Tomorrow marks 18 months with my girlfriend, Christen. Christen was diagnosed with bipolar disorder when she was 13. She has endured 14 hospitalizations, multiple unsuccessful medication regimens and hundreds of hours of counseling. If you are familiar with bipolar, you know there is no cure - only treatment which must be individualized to each person. No one treatment works for everyone. It is a constant struggle until you find the magic combination - something we have been working through but have yet to do.
I met Christen through a mutual friend. By the third time we spent time together, I knew that I loved her. Our first 5 months together were symptom free - I later found out that this was the tail end of a year long period where Christen had no episodes - we still don't know why. At the end of the 5 month mark her depression became prominent, as well as short (hours to days) episodes of mania which were manifested by irritability and anger. This was nothing but confusing to me because it was new - I was unfamiliar with bipolar and I thought I was doing something wrong. Somehow we worked through those early episodes and as I became more comfortable with separating "The Bipolar" from "Christen" things became easier and more predictable.
We have now been living together for 8 months. Every day brings something new and though at times it is trying, I can't help but feel that there is a light at the end of the tunnel for us. For her. For this:
I look forward to sharing more with you. :)
Tomorrow marks 18 months with my girlfriend, Christen. Christen was diagnosed with bipolar disorder when she was 13. She has endured 14 hospitalizations, multiple unsuccessful medication regimens and hundreds of hours of counseling. If you are familiar with bipolar, you know there is no cure - only treatment which must be individualized to each person. No one treatment works for everyone. It is a constant struggle until you find the magic combination - something we have been working through but have yet to do.
I met Christen through a mutual friend. By the third time we spent time together, I knew that I loved her. Our first 5 months together were symptom free - I later found out that this was the tail end of a year long period where Christen had no episodes - we still don't know why. At the end of the 5 month mark her depression became prominent, as well as short (hours to days) episodes of mania which were manifested by irritability and anger. This was nothing but confusing to me because it was new - I was unfamiliar with bipolar and I thought I was doing something wrong. Somehow we worked through those early episodes and as I became more comfortable with separating "The Bipolar" from "Christen" things became easier and more predictable.
We have now been living together for 8 months. Every day brings something new and though at times it is trying, I can't help but feel that there is a light at the end of the tunnel for us. For her. For this:
I look forward to sharing more with you. :)
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