Friday, June 10, 2011
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
Just another manic Monday...
We had quite the weekend. On Wednesday night Christen launched into the start of a manic episode which I'm still not completely convinced is over. It was an unsafe situation for her as she was being risky and impulsive in her choices and I had to put my foot down. I pooled my resources and called her best friend, her therapist and her mom - one of the best coping strategies in caring for someone with bipolar is to have a team. You can't do this alone. All the while I was scrambling to finish a paper for my Families class and finish up the last of my clinical work.
By Monday I was absolutely exhausted. Unfortunately for me this is my busiest day of the week, with school 9:30-5:30 and work 6-10. This morning (Tuesday) I was asked to go with Christen to counseling. At times we do counseling sessions together in order for me to continue to grow in my abilities to help her. During a bipolar (manic or depressive) episode you can be one of two things - wrong or more wrong. Participating in her counseling sessions eases my frustration with this as I get to understand the reasoning and thoughts behind her actions, whether or not they make sense at the time.
Christen's therapist, Sarah, has worked with her since her diagnosis at 13. She has seen her through multiple hospitalizations, running away, treatment programs and medication regimens. Sarah was really concerned by the hopelessness seen in session today and I couldn't help but bring up that Christen made two suicide threats to me over the weekend. With tears in her eyes, Sarah told Christen that she should be admitted to the hospital as inpatient once again. This was not well-received and Christen refused. They have another meeting tomorrow to discuss it - one of the questions Sarah asked was what would happen if she went over Christen's head and admitted her on a hold without permission. This was upsetting to both of us.
One thing Sarah said today that struck me is that sometimes people have trouble holding onto hope for themselves. In those times, it is up to the confidants (Sarah and myself) to hold on to hope for that person for a period of time. This reminded me of song lyrics by Guided by Voices -
"Reaching out for a hand that we can't see, Everybody's got a hold on hope, it's the last thing that's holding me."
By Monday I was absolutely exhausted. Unfortunately for me this is my busiest day of the week, with school 9:30-5:30 and work 6-10. This morning (Tuesday) I was asked to go with Christen to counseling. At times we do counseling sessions together in order for me to continue to grow in my abilities to help her. During a bipolar (manic or depressive) episode you can be one of two things - wrong or more wrong. Participating in her counseling sessions eases my frustration with this as I get to understand the reasoning and thoughts behind her actions, whether or not they make sense at the time.
Christen's therapist, Sarah, has worked with her since her diagnosis at 13. She has seen her through multiple hospitalizations, running away, treatment programs and medication regimens. Sarah was really concerned by the hopelessness seen in session today and I couldn't help but bring up that Christen made two suicide threats to me over the weekend. With tears in her eyes, Sarah told Christen that she should be admitted to the hospital as inpatient once again. This was not well-received and Christen refused. They have another meeting tomorrow to discuss it - one of the questions Sarah asked was what would happen if she went over Christen's head and admitted her on a hold without permission. This was upsetting to both of us.
One thing Sarah said today that struck me is that sometimes people have trouble holding onto hope for themselves. In those times, it is up to the confidants (Sarah and myself) to hold on to hope for that person for a period of time. This reminded me of song lyrics by Guided by Voices -
"Reaching out for a hand that we can't see, Everybody's got a hold on hope, it's the last thing that's holding me."
Friday, June 3, 2011
Introduction
With my first post, I just wanted to give an introduction to my story and identify the purpose of this blog. This blog is meant for other friends and family of those suffering from bipolar disorder. I will share my stories, as well as some resources, and I hope that anyone reading this will comment with some thoughts or experiences of your own!
Tomorrow marks 18 months with my girlfriend, Christen. Christen was diagnosed with bipolar disorder when she was 13. She has endured 14 hospitalizations, multiple unsuccessful medication regimens and hundreds of hours of counseling. If you are familiar with bipolar, you know there is no cure - only treatment which must be individualized to each person. No one treatment works for everyone. It is a constant struggle until you find the magic combination - something we have been working through but have yet to do.
I met Christen through a mutual friend. By the third time we spent time together, I knew that I loved her. Our first 5 months together were symptom free - I later found out that this was the tail end of a year long period where Christen had no episodes - we still don't know why. At the end of the 5 month mark her depression became prominent, as well as short (hours to days) episodes of mania which were manifested by irritability and anger. This was nothing but confusing to me because it was new - I was unfamiliar with bipolar and I thought I was doing something wrong. Somehow we worked through those early episodes and as I became more comfortable with separating "The Bipolar" from "Christen" things became easier and more predictable.
We have now been living together for 8 months. Every day brings something new and though at times it is trying, I can't help but feel that there is a light at the end of the tunnel for us. For her. For this:
I look forward to sharing more with you. :)
Tomorrow marks 18 months with my girlfriend, Christen. Christen was diagnosed with bipolar disorder when she was 13. She has endured 14 hospitalizations, multiple unsuccessful medication regimens and hundreds of hours of counseling. If you are familiar with bipolar, you know there is no cure - only treatment which must be individualized to each person. No one treatment works for everyone. It is a constant struggle until you find the magic combination - something we have been working through but have yet to do.
I met Christen through a mutual friend. By the third time we spent time together, I knew that I loved her. Our first 5 months together were symptom free - I later found out that this was the tail end of a year long period where Christen had no episodes - we still don't know why. At the end of the 5 month mark her depression became prominent, as well as short (hours to days) episodes of mania which were manifested by irritability and anger. This was nothing but confusing to me because it was new - I was unfamiliar with bipolar and I thought I was doing something wrong. Somehow we worked through those early episodes and as I became more comfortable with separating "The Bipolar" from "Christen" things became easier and more predictable.
We have now been living together for 8 months. Every day brings something new and though at times it is trying, I can't help but feel that there is a light at the end of the tunnel for us. For her. For this:
I look forward to sharing more with you. :)
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